My Testimony (Sorta)

Growing up in a primarily C&E (Christmas and Easter) Catholic household, that only made us me attend Sunday school as a young child. As my family moved around, I ended up finding a baptist church, lots of kids my age, I was even “baptized” at age 12 at this Church. The problem is I did not really understand what I was getting. My parents had decided I was smart enough and grown up enough to make my own decision about my faith.

About five months after I was baptized, tragedy hit me pretty hard. I won’t go into detail, but my childhood was not an easy one, even still to this day I am occasionally treated as an outcast, but with God’s love surrounding me I know that I’m fully complete.

Trigger Warning:

There is self-harm, violence, and drug use within my testimony.

Unbelief

My best friend died in a car accident, he was 16, the wreck was in our local newspaper two days later. I had lost the only person who made me feel safe and loved. I was angry. Resentful. Eventually, I accepted that God just was not real. For nearly two years I wandered in the early teen years of depression, eating disorders, self-harm, and a general feeling of emptiness.

My grandpa saw this in me and decided to help me in the best way he could. “Spirituality is a fundamental part of who we are as people, and allowing yourself to explore your spirituality will probably bring you some peace,” he said. He gave me research. It may be strange to you, but research brings me joy and peace with a sense of accomplishment. During the summer my grandpa gave me several books on different faiths. I spent the entire summer studying, creating charts graphs and trying to base my future spirituality on logic (just so you know, that never works).

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *